The EITF: Brony Division
by Flying ninja
Summary: No every fan pony makes it through to Equestria. There are hard working ponies that process it all behind the scenes. Some of these ponies are seeking citizenship themselves through their good deeds. See the adventures of two such ponies as they attempt to process all the colts that wish to become citizens and a few more unsavory ideas.


Everyday more ponies are made. For every one made by Lauren, Hundreds are made by the fans. Many of these fans are boys and men who for various reasons have taken an interest in the series and have been titled bronies. As with any series, there is always a pony that personifies that bronie, whether they write it down or draw it or just leave it in their heads. Sometimes they make more than just one pony. Whatever their source, many of these creations seek entry into Equestria every day. This is about the hard working colts that run the Brony division of the Equestrian Immigration Task Force.

Warsaw Sunrunner, a hard working unicorn with a grey coat and a serious case of the Mondays… all the time. Tarry Ale, a lazy but dignified earth pony with a dark green hide that isn't afraid to crack a few skulls and has a large weakness for tea. They too have yet to finish immigrating to Equestria. Celestia believed that putting them in charge of this task force would be a perfect test for their ability to fit into Equestrian society. These are their stories.

Warsaw grumbled as he stared at the seemingly endless line ahead of him. "So many… Tarry, how many more of these coupling forms do we have to finish before we can close this line for today?"

Tarry smiled big, leaning back in his chair with a cup of tea, "You know, my dear fellow, if you just let me handle this it will go much smoother." He waited silently with his smile nearly filling the room.

Looking at the line and then back to his co-worker Warsaw relented, "Fine, but only for today. I promised Celestia that we would take this seriously and give every pony a fair shot." As Tarry shot him an amused raised eyebrow, Warsaw sighed, "Yes, I know. But that is what I promised. Let's just do this your way, make sure that it's working alright and start processing the next stage of this batch."

Tarry stood up on his chair in one movement, not spilling a drop of his tea. He spoke clearly and loudly, "Alright! So, you will find your respective love interests in the door corresponding to the letter of their first name. For the Mane Six or Celestia enter the purple door with Twilight's Cutie Mark on it. Thank you for your time." Tarry stepped down as the bronies filed into their respective doors.

Warsaw glared at him, mostly irritated at how easily he got the attention of everypony. "You are the worst, Tarry." He used his magic to pick up his partner's tea and spill it on him.

Tarry laughed, "Jokes on you, bureaucrat. I drink my tea cold." Tarry knocked on a wall a very specific knock and then said, "Earl grey, if you please." The wall opened and he stepped inside.

Warsaw knocked twice and said, "Lemmie in." The wall opened and as he entered, he grumbled as he saw Tarry with another cup of tea. "By Celestia! Do you keep those hidden all over Equestria?"

Tarry smiled and pointed with his cup at the one way glass, "Shhhh, I'm watching the show." Warsaw rolled his eyes at his co-worker. That was a horrible thing to say. Especially the sorrow he saw following it. Scott, a white colt with blue hair and a guitar on his flank sat across from Vinyl Scratch. She said simply and strangely coldly, "I am sorry, Scott, but you and I can't be together. We are just too different and want two different things out of life."

The colt replied, "You would do this to me after all we have been through? NO! You know what, buck you! I don't need you. You can go ahead and keep being a pain in my flank but I don't need you!" The colt turned and left, throwing the chair across the room. Only after he left did the changeling return to her natural shape, get up, replace the chair and wait for her next rejection.

Warsaw sighed, "I get that not everypony can come here and reject them personally but this is still horrible. Why do we do this?"

Tarry laughed, "Because most of these bronies act just like that. They throw a hissy fit if they can't get who they want. The few that can take the rejection with a measure of dignity are more than welcome to the next stage. I thought as a bureaucrat you would understand."

Warsaw sighed, "Not really on a personal level though. They are all still ponies with hearts and emotions. It feels wrong to do this to them. Then again, it saves me more paperwork. Guess that works too." Warsaw almost felt worse that that thought cheered him up.

The earth pony smirked, now just scanning the rooms. Everything seemed to be going well. Most of them were getting turned away by their own rage. The few that either had no romances or dealt with them in a dignified way were let through by the changelings. A good system but better when actually managed at the front desk.

They moved further down the corridor coming out the otherside into the second stage of testing. Warsaw again, sat at the desk, Tarry a short distance away. "Alright, so don't let any pony with too much power into the world. They have to be willing to relinquish that power or not have it in the first place. Is that clear to you Tarry? No more doing this Discord style."

Tarry laughed, "But he's an ally to Equestria! Why not listen to his advice?"

Warsaw yelled, just as the candidates made it through, "Because he is insane!" The candidates all looked at him with confusion. Warsaw sighed at this and moved forward, "Alright so there are only about 10 of you. Dusk Shine… I believe this is your third attempt at entering Equestria. What is your story this time? Parallel universe, evil clone, evil twin, loving brother, or time travelling son."

Answering quickly, Dusk Shine spoke, "Loving brother, Mister Sunrunner." It was clear he had planned ahead this time. No rage or frustration or even any sadness, just a simple statement of purpose and back into line.

Warsaw looked over the papers and nodded, "Alright. We should warn you that we will be testing some mythical horrors that want to become a part of Equestria and rest in silence until someone stumbles across them so be careful in your research, Dusk. I say that because except for the last two tests you seem to have passed all the necessary stages. Your powers are all reasonable and apparently you either gave up on romance… wait, nevermind, but at least you took rejection from Celestia well. By the by, that actually was her. She tries to handle those herself."

Dusk nodded and sighed, waiting to hear about the final tests. Tarry called, "Alright, so to inform you. The next test is a sanity check. We have to be sure that you are sane enough to not go mad after leaving these offices. This test is rather easy but we decide who is ready and who isn't. If you want to leave now, you can and spare yourself something that CAN be quite maddening. Either way, you will have to pass this in order to get past this check point."

Some of them swallowed hard but none of them left. To them, they had faced their worst fears already. Warsaw opened them to an empty room and motioned them in. When they had all entered, Again the two EITF entered a secret room in the wall to watch them. Warsaw sighed as he began the spell. Suddenly the song began, the effects could be seen. _Things that bother you never bother me…_

All of them that knew this song widened their eyes in terror. They had no idea how long it would last or why this song. One of them immediately turned and started beating his head against the wall. A couple of the started to sing along with it. One of the unicorns tried to Chainsaw his way through the wall. How he summoned a chainsaw was a mystery but neither of the workers were surprised. It's not that the song was bad, it was how catchy it could be. It would take deep root in their minds and even if they didn't lose it now, they would eventually be driven a healthy amount of nuts before they got to Equestria.

Tarry laughed, "Do we do this just so Mrs. Faust as something to base them on when they lose it?" Warsaw nodded with a smile. He wasn't much excited by the rest of this process but this particular step was always fun to watch. After two minutes that felt like an eternity to those inside, the door to the other side opened.

The two were already there and spoke plainly, "You have all passed. Now we cannot help you past here. Our results were just to help filter you down to the best candidates. Mrs. Faust will check you herself to see if you are cleared to enter Equestrian Society. I won't lie, almost no one gets in from our process but by merely being made and making your existence known to the world, you have a chance of being put into some art beyond your original medium. Dusk can vouch for that. He hasn't even made it this far before but he still appears in many mediums. We hope that when we are done here, we can join you, but there is a lot of work going on here."

All ten nodded and entered into the only door left in the room. When they had all left the room, Warsaw sighed, "They don't have a prayer, do they?"

Tarry laughed as he went back into the secret door, most likely getting more tea. Warsaw sighed again. Next week was the new mythical beasts and there were bound to be some truly terrifying prospects that wanted in. Worst part was, he would have to deal with them. Figures. Why else name it a Task Force if they didn't do dangerous things?

Celestia suddenly behind him replied to his thought, "Because it sounded far more fun than Bureau. Doesn't Bureau sound boring?"

Warsaw smirked and nodded, "Yeah, I'd rather be on a task force." The EITF member went to join his partner for tea… might have to specify he wants his hot though…


End file.
